(no subject)

[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

I'm being selfish... I should call.

bendy-time

Comments

[verasurprise.livejournal.com]

Not that I know the entire story or anything...but you might feel better if you do make that call. Being selfish can sometimes wear out the soul.

[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

It's just that it's been ... a long time, Vera. I'm not sure he'd want to hear from me.

[verasurprise.livejournal.com]

I'd offer more if I knew the story. And I'm not asking to know...just trying to help. *grins slightly* Just listen to your heart. If it feels like you should call, then do it. Don't live your life regretting what you have/have not done. Otherwise you're just going to look back and feel like you haven't lived your life.

[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

Oh, well it's not like a personal story... I mean, I guess I don't tell it but that's more out of habit than anything.

I haven't talked to my dad in at least seventeen years.

[verasurprise.livejournal.com]

Oh how I can sympathize. Try telling your dad you were born the wrong gender

[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can imagine... *chuckles* Well, I mean, now I can. I can't even... he hated me just for wanting to fly plans.

[verasurprise.livejournal.com]

It seems...it's...hmmm...*pauses trying to find the words* It feels like battling a mountain when you try to explain something to someone you love, knowing they will never fully understand. mine would have loved me if that's all i wanted

[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

I just tried to do what he wanted, but it wasn't right and I knew it. So I left *shrugs* And I didn't look back. I'm sure he did.. love you. He's just a dick like my dad :/

[verasurprise.livejournal.com]

I didn't look back either. I knew the choice I made was the best thing for me. i wouldn't know if he loved me or not

[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

So do you think it's.. stupid to think about going back? I know the feeling.

[verasurprise.livejournal.com]

No I don't. I'd give anything to be able to go back and tell him...a lot of things. he's dead now. and the last words we said to each other were angry and...not nice *tries her best to hide the tears*

[locked]

[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

*pulls her into a hug*

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[verasurprise.livejournal.com]

*melts into the hugs* i'm supposed to be stronger than this

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[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

*pets her head, letting her know silently she can stay as long as she needs to* That's what we all think.

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[verasurprise.livejournal.com]

*tries to unsuccessfully compose herself* why you of all people, a total stranger, making me feel... *just can't find the words*

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[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

Make you feel..?

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[verasurprise.livejournal.com]

vulnerable? maybe...

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[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

That's normal.. it's a touchy subject.

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[verasurprise.livejournal.com]

*looks up at him, huge tears in her eyes* not just touchy...i never talk about it

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[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

*shrugs* I have that effect on people.

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[verasurprise.livejournal.com]

*sheepish, goofy grin* I was supposed to be helping you. *sticks her tongue out and makes a silly face*

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[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

*grins back* You did, don't worry.

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[verasurprise.livejournal.com]

*gazes hopefully at him* Really!?! As long as I'm helping. That's what matters to me. *sighs* And you've been really helpful too. I feel privileged and lucky for having stumbled onto you. You're my new best friend now. And funny enough you're helping me feel a little less lost.

[only-pepper.livejournal.com]

Are you okay, hun?

[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

Yeah, yeah... absolutely fine, Peps. *smiles meekly* Not a hair out of place.

[only-pepper.livejournal.com]

Oh, Cujo... your hair is always perfect. It really is amazing, gravity defying hair.

[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

...Cujo?

[only-pepper.livejournal.com]

Colonel John.

CoJo.

Cujo. I just gave you a name.

Adore me for it.

[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

I always adore you. Cujo, huh?

....that's pretty badass.

[only-pepper.livejournal.com]

Absolutely....so get off your ass and go call whoever it is you need to call, and then message me so I can make you feel better.

That's an order, soldier.

[colonelinblack.livejournal.com]

You should know better. I don't follow orders - not even my own.

Fine.