sixwordstories | locked to Vera [verasurprise]

*laughs sarcastically* Umm...no. I think we only ever get any peace when we're dead, sadly enough.

So true. So true...

I thought my life was complicated enough already. *sighs*

*rests her hand on his arm in a comforting manner* I think everyone feel like their life is overly complicated.

*light chuckle* Oh no, but I know so.

You wanna talk to me about how complicated it is? I'll listen, you know that. *smiles softly*

I do... Ok, sorry if this is like, incredibly ignorant of me. Just blame the military for this, but uh.. you being ah, transsexual and all. I thought you might be a good person to talk to about.. this.

*grins and winks* I'm all ears. *leans back and waits for it*

Uh, Ok well... when I was a chick? Probably not the best place to tell the story but I'm going to do this a bit backwards...

One of my friends was turned with me, and we kind of... kissed? *his voice may be higher than it needs to be~* But then he told me.. he's had feelings for me..

And this makes you feel? Uncomfortable? Curious? Scared? What?

Here's where it gets complicated... I'm already semi-involved with someone else... and for me, it was a purely physical kiss.

Ok. So no attraction on your part? It was just a nice physical kiss and nothing more. And this person you're semi-involved with? Is it serious? Does he/she know what happened?

None whatsoever, not while he's a dude... And really, he's my friend. I wouldn't want anything.. like that.

The other.. person would be pissed if they found out.. so no. I haven't told them. *skips over the is it serious question lalalala*

*stares* John...any particular reason you chose not to answer one of my questions? Does it make you uncomfortable?

*squirms* ...No?

*raises her brow* Now John, I'm not going to force you to talk about this to me, but please don't lie to yourself.

Fine. *sighs, sitting down on the ground with an air of defeat* All of it has me completely out of my element. One minute I'm like this totally straight military DADT guy and the next... I don't even know.

*plops down on the ground too, making herself comfortable* It sucks feeling completely out of your element. One second you have yourself, your life under control. And the next, you just can't seem to tell up from down. It's like being Alice and tumbling through Nonsense.

*sighs* Exactly.

*links her arm through his* It's hard to filter through the fog isn't it?

*nods, leaning into her a bit*

I just know McKay's going to find out... I still can't believe Beckett asked me out. Why is my life a bad high school joke? ~~In space~~

Because even though space is vast, I'm sure you're confined to a smaller area. And high schools are confined areas as well. And it's the same people day in and day out. I think there's some weird force that entwines itself in places like this and thrives on creating drama. *grins*

*starts a bit but then nods* That's a fair assessment, I guess.

He thanked me for letting him down easy. *looks baffled at this, drawing his knees up to his chest* God, it's days like today I hate DADT.

I'm sorry, you'll have to explain this DADT thing to me. And why does it seem like it bothers you that he thanked you for that?

Oh.. Don't ask, don't tell. It's a military policy for.. homosexuality.

Because it just sounded so... "thank you for even giving me the time of day." Of course I give him the time of day and of course I'm going to be nice about it! He's my friend goddammit. And he's a good guy.

Then you did the right thing. But I'm sensing some guilt. *puts her head on his shoulder* Why is that John?

Because... I have this nasty habit of.. leading people on. Or telling them it's nothing when.. I do have feelings.

Wow really? We have so much in common...

I really shouldn't have kissed him. It was almost as stupid as... when I lied about kissing Rodney. *groans, resting his head against hers*

*her eyes get a little big* Wait...what? Maybe you need to rewind a little bit...seems like there's a whole lot I'm missing. *pets his head*

Oh, the, er... guy I might be.. involved with. Rodney. It was a ...thing.

*closes his eyes even as he makes a vague gesture*

*giggles* We need ~~a stiff drink~~ hot cocoa and a big comfy couch for this conversation. A thing?

Cocoa sounds nice... ~~I took an alcohol-free vow :/~~

A thing. There was something that ...brought us together, I guess. Like the gender-change thing did for me and Car$on but. There were feelings there so it was, you know, complicated. And I told him we could be closer... and then... *shakes his head slightly*

*wraps him in a big hug* You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But if you feel comfortable telling me, I think it might help you feel better.

Well, and then he got kidnapped. And I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt guilty and sick with it. And then there was that whole gender.. mess. *makes a face, burying his head in her shoulder*

First I just wanted to go back before... anything happened between us. And now I want to go back to before.. things happened between Beckett and I. And it's like... do I really just like people because they like me? Because sometimes I really think that's the case.

In my opinion, I think a lot of it has to do with how much you like yourself. Years ago, when I was ~~learning how to be a woman~~ adjusting to my changing lifestyle, I...I fucked up. I didn't like myself. I was still really struggling with who I was. I tried finding myself in the sheets of any person willing to help me look. And I realized I wasn't looking for me. I was just losing myself in people that I thought could ~~love~~ accept me.

I don't think that's what I'm trying to do... is that what I'm trying to do?

*pets his head* Honey, I'm not you. I don't know what you're trying to do. I'm just sharing. *laughs* If I knew what you were doing this would be much easier for you.

No, no... I. I really like Rodney. I want to make him happy. *nods slowly, feeling very small*

Do you feel like you are succeeding?

*laughs a bit bitterly, finally drawing away from her and sitting Indian style*

It's hard to tell. He's not a very happy guy to begin with.

Just please don't lose yourself trying to make him happy. I'm all for people doing their best to make each other happy. Just...be careful I guess...

I'm kind of a dick. So I don't see that happening anytime.. soon.

I don't think you're a dick...I think you're amazing. But like the rest of the world, just a little fucked up and confused.

*laughs* I can see the accuracy in that.

The world is an amazing and confusing place...just like all the people I've met too. If you get to the end of your life and say that the good has outweighed the bad, than consider yourself pretty lucky. So you can be dick, I can be a cow, as long as the good moments are frequent. *laughs*

I like the sound of that :D

locked to Vera [verasurprise]

locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked

Re: locked