sixwordstories | (no subject)

What's that, Tayler?

Definition of frustrated.

It is? Huh.

So what's got you frustrated?

One of several.

Oh, I'm probably just tired.

*studies him for a moment*

You wanna talk about it?

Hm, an interesting idea, though I'm not sure how I'd feel about it. I guess I just kind of wish that Josh wasn't so busy all the time. I've felt a little lonely/restless/bored/I don't know what lately. I'm sure it'll pass, and I'm not trying to complain at all. Like I said, I'm probably tired.

*nods*

You know, Tayler...it's okay to say how you feel. You don't have to make excuses or defend yourself. If you're lonely and you miss Josh, it's okay to feel that way, and it's okay to talk about it.

I guess that it is. I don't see much point in talking about things anymore though. I'd rather help other people than focus on myself and talking about things won't change anything but the way that I feel, and if I give it enough time, I suppose that I could fix that for myself.

That's a noble sentiment. It fits you. You're not the type to wallow and feel sorry for yourself. And that's a good thing, Tayler. It really is.

But sometimes, talking's the best thing. 'Cause it helps to share with a friend, to have someone listen and care even if they can't change the thing that's making you feel bad. And if you feel better, then you'll be even more ready to help other people. Make sense?

I guess I'm just feeling a bit down lately, and I know that I shouldn't be because I was so excited during and after my vacation, so I shouldn't be depressed again. If kids are apathetic or frustrated or sad too much then it's like they lose credibility, and if I explain it too much the same thing happens because I'll become contradictory. I don't want to feel sad, so I don't want to think about it. But I also don't want to appear broody. I tend to over-think things and make them worse.

Anson pats his shoulder.

"Yeah, I think you're overthinking a little."

He hesitates, his heart aching for Tayler. It's obvious that the poor kid's been walking on eggshells around Josh so long that he's afraid to feel anything, afraid to be anything other than the perfect kid who's quiet and content and asks for nothing. Fuck. Why didn't the bastard just get a puppy if that's what he wanted?

"I know it's easier said than done, but you need to try really hard to stop worrying so much about how other people perceive you. Yeah, you're a kid, but that doesn't make your feelings any less valid. And nobody likes to feel sad, but sometimes you do, and the best thing you can do is to let yourself feel the way you feel. Bottling stuff up, it's no good." He pauses to let the words sink in, giving Tayler a little smile. "I just want you to do one thing for me. Just try to stop thinking about your credibility and whether or not you want to feel a certain way, or whether you should feel that way. You need to let Tayler be Tayler. And if Tayler's happy or sad or lonely, then let him be, 'cause it's not natural or healthy to try and force yourself into someone else's idea of what you should be."

Tayler thought it over, Anson made valid points, so it was hard to be stubborn. Still though, if it was possible to not feel a negative way, why not do what one could to avoid it. Still, it made sense for health reasons, but so did his way, in it's own way.

"I see your point. I was actually considering asking Josh if I could see someone, but I don't know if he'd get it. I don't know if I get it. There's not a lot to say, I'm not sure what I would talk about because a lot of things are personal and if I say them out loud they won't be anymore."

"Yeah..." Anson's personal feelings about therapy make him reluctant to recommend it to anyone else, but Tayler's a special case. The kid needs somebody to listen. He's too young to be carrying this shit around all alone like this. "But sometimes, if you share something with just one person, like a doctor or a close friend, it can still be personal. Only instead of carrying it all around on your own, now you have someone to help."

He hesitates, unsure how the boy will take what he's about to say.

"You know, you can always talk to me, Tayler. I'm your friend."