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Tayler thought it over, Anson made valid points, so it was hard to be stubborn. Still though, if it was possible to not feel a negative way, why not do what one could to avoid it. Still, it made sense for health reasons, but so did his way, in it's own way.

"I see your point. I was actually considering asking Josh if I could see someone, but I don't know if he'd get it. I don't know if I get it. There's not a lot to say, I'm not sure what I would talk about because a lot of things are personal and if I say them out loud they won't be anymore."

"Yeah..." Anson's personal feelings about therapy make him reluctant to recommend it to anyone else, but Tayler's a special case. The kid needs somebody to listen. He's too young to be carrying this shit around all alone like this. "But sometimes, if you share something with just one person, like a doctor or a close friend, it can still be personal. Only instead of carrying it all around on your own, now you have someone to help."

He hesitates, unsure how the boy will take what he's about to say.

"You know, you can always talk to me, Tayler. I'm your friend."

He gave Anson a small nod. He knew that this was a good guy, someone who wouldn't hurt anyone, or at least he felt that way. Everyone could hurt something. Tayler didn't mind talking to Anson, but really a care about perception was a hard thing to let go of.

"Thanks, you too. But you care too much too. It will wear you out."

Anson laughs.

"Yeah, maybe." He shrugs. "But maybe, if I get worn out, I can talk to you. That's what friends do." He smiles. "I'm not gonna push you. Just know I'm here to listen, anytime. Everyone should have at least one friend to confide in."

"Alright." He pondered upon it for a few moments before confiding in Anson. He'd not know how it felt until he tried after all, so maybe an experiment couldn't hurt.

"I suppose that it isn't so much that I'm lonely because I miss Josh, I mean he hasn't really gone anywhere, that I miss St-my mom. And I don't like to think about it because I really don't like to feel sad, it scares me."

He tried to remain matter-of-fact about it all.

Anson nods again. All right...now we're getting somewhere.

"Why does being sad scare you?"

He'd thought of it before, though he still wasn't sure that he was ready to share with Anson. Tayler didn't know that it could hurt anything, other than perhaps his pride. Though he'd never considered himself prideful at all, Tayler knew that everyone had it in some regard.

"She was sad a lot." He said, still lost in his own thoughts. His eyes reflected his attachment with the current reality as his mind had found it's way back to the past, but he shook it off. "Besides, people don't like sadness, it's undesirable, weak, and if you let it in, you can't get out until it's ready to spit you out. Broken, tired, pathetic, but ready to grow again."

Anson frowns slightly as he listens to the boy. The words sound strange, too old for him somehow...as though he's parroting something he's heard over and over again.

"Who told you that? That being sad is undesirable and weak?"

"Nobody had to tell me. I picked it up and decided it myself."

He was thinking of things in his mind, sad things and then happy ones alternately almost a war of emotions as he tried to steady the thoughts.

Anson looks at Tayler for a long moment. He can't help feeling sorry for him, for this little boy forced to grow up too soon. He wishes Tayler could just be a kid and not have to worry so much about everything. The boy thinks he's coping just fine, but this obsessive need to control his world just shows how terrified he is of things falling apart, of losing even more than he already has.

"Everyone gets sad, though, Tayler," he says gently. "It's a human emotion. You can't always control it."

"I suppose that everyone does, but I have a theory that some people do not have to. If I can make myself not get sad, it is of value to myself and also to the community. Yet, if I still retain my understanding of sadness, the happiness will still hold value."

Tayler said it, as if thinking it through the first time, and yet having put serious thought into it. As it were, the latter held more truth, as he'd spent many hours hypothesizing that very idea.

Anson listens, amazed at the boy's intelligence even as he's saddened at his words.

"I still think it's a mistake to think you can control your every emotion. Emotion is what makes us human, you know? And I know it sounds hokey, but you can't have flowers without rain, right? So what's happiness without sadness? People aren't robots, Tayler. You can't just program yourself for the emotions you think people will like best. It doesn't work that way."

Anson didn't understand, and Tayler saddened at the revelation. He didn't hold it against him though, he'd felt as if Anson had come close, and at least he'd tried.

"You're right." He agreed, "But even when it's good for us we try and fight things that we don't like."

Anson nods.

"Yeah, there's that." He's quiet for a moment, then he reaches in his pocket for his keys. "I've got some errands to do. Library, dry cleaners, hardware store, boring stuff like that. Wanna ride shotgun? I'll buy you lunch."

Tayler gave a significant amount of thought to either option. He should refuse, thank Anson and go find something productive to do. And yet, Josh will not be home and he'll be left thinking of his mother and having nothing to console him but his memories.

"I'll go." He smiled at Anson, attempting to brighten himself as much as he could. "But you don't need to buy me anything."

Anson smiles back.

"Aw, come on. I hate to eat alone. I know a great diner, best burgers and fries in New York. And the sundaes? Unbelievable. We can do our running around and then have a bite, take it easy, maybe talk some more. Sound good?"

Tayler ultimately agreed. Salads were usually pretty affordable, so he figured that it couldn't hurt to let Anson buy him one.

"Sounds good."

Anson grins.

"Well, all right!"

A couple of hours and several errands later, he pulls up outside the diner. He leads the way inside and in a matter of moments, they're seated in a corner booth. Anson flips open a menu, pushes the other across the table to Tayler.

"Order whatever you want," he says absently, frowning as he tries to decide what to order. "Great fries here. I don't know what they do to 'em but I swear I'm addicted."

Tayler's day had improved significantly, and he wasn't sure if he liked it more that Anson talked to him like an adult or like a child. He seemed to do both at once without putting much thought into it and Tayler appreciated that effortless effort to make him comfortable.

He scans the menu for a bit, looking thoughtful but almost entirely decided on a salad and french fries.

Anson orders a bacon cheeseburger and a double order of fries, and a Coke. The waitress jots it down and turns to Tayler, smiling expectantly.

"Your turn," Anson says, smiling as he gathers up their menus and stashes them back behind the salt and pepper caddy. "Go for it."

Tayler gave the waitress a smile and was as polite as possible.

"Could I have a salad please, with cheese on it and french fries at the same time?"

The waitress is an older woman, her accent clearly revealing her to be a transplant from somewhere down south. Texas, maybe.

"Sure you can, honey. What kind of dressing would you like, and what would you like to drink?"

Beaming approvingly, she turns to Anson and smiles.

"I hope you don't mind my saying this, but your son has lovely manners. Such a little gentleman."

Caught completely off-guard, Anson blinks, his water glass halfway to his mouth. His eyes slide over to Tayler and he wonders if he should just be polite and mumble 'thank you'. After all, a grown man claiming to be 'just friends' with a fourteen year-old boy is liable to raise some eyebrows, even if it is the truth.

Edited 2008-04-13 18:40 (UTC)

Anson reacted to the ladies comment about the same way that Josh would, and that caused Tayler a small smirk as he chose not to correct the lady.

"Ranch please, and just a water."

So, the kid's gonna leave him hanging, eh?

"Thank you very much, ma'am." Anson beams a proud smile at Tayler. "His accordion teacher says the same thing. We're very proud."

The waitress coos and pets Tayler's head.

"And he's musical, too! Well, bless his heart."

Anson hides a smirk behind his water glass.

"Oh, yes. He's going to the Polka Nationals in Eau Claire next month. Little tyke's so excited he can hardly sleep."

The waitress stares at Tayler, amazed.

"Is that right? Well good luck to you, baby! Come on back and show off that trophy, you hear?"

Still smiling and shaking her head, she hustles off toward the kitchen.

Anson raises an eyebrow and chuckles.

"You hungry?" he says, rubbing his hands together. "Man, I could eat a horse."

Edited 2008-04-15 01:29 (UTC)

Tayler watched the exchange with a strange look on his face. It was something between indignancy, confusion, and amusement. He didn't understand the purpose of the lie, and decided that it must be for fun. He offered the waitress a small shrug, just in time before she left them. That was the first time since his mother's death that he'd gotten so much praise, and for something he didn't do no less!

"I have to eat up for the big competition." He showed Anson a smirk of his own. "Accordion players need lots of energy."