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Current Location: OTA/ you pick what he saw

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(no subject)

[Saw something he shouldn't have] Fuck...!

Jus' wonderin' out loud if yew can find yer way back.

Yes, I can. But then my people have been time travelers for millions of relative years--we've evolved to be good at things like this.

So a layman like me ain' got a chance at it huh?

Well, a bit of one. But you'd be a lot better off with a guide.

Then I'd better find me one befo' my friends get worried! [happy hick is happy]

Have some manners though...

Oh?

I'm lost! [Said like it's Thursday for him] I gotta find mah way back to New Orleans, my New Orleans!

And you trust me to help you? How do you know I won't take you to somewhere nice and private so I can have my lunch undisturbed?

Because I trust you. [THIS IS COMPLETELY SINCERE...] Yew wouldn't jus' eat a guy jus' becuz he's all alone witchu.

Wouldn' be sportsmanlike and yew Brits have that goin' for ya.

One, I'm not really British. Alien, remember?

Two, I'm always hungry. Always. Which is a pretty good reason, yeah?

And three, I'm mentally ill. For all you know I might kill you because I think it's a headache remedy.

Yew got th' accent, yer British in mah eyes.

True but I did promise ya a heapin' helpin' of zombies if we got to mah world.

And tha' there's bullshit becuz killin' only begets more headaches. [Points to corpse] Yew kill som'one, yew get chased down and th' vicious cycles jus' carries on.

I think you'd taste better than they would.

No, those are problems. The headaches are caused by loud noises in my brain that go away when I kill things.

Strange, yer th' third person t' say that.

[taps the Master's head lightly with his Shotgun]

Oh yes? And who were the first two?

My ~~fuckbuddy~~ frien Nick and a Hunter.

Well then, I suppose I'll have to try you now.

[cuts himself because...El's incredibly altruistic to the point of borderline stupidity]

*. . . food? Food!

*Hope you don't mind being grabbed, pinned down, and rather messily devoured.*

[SHOTGUN BLAST] I SAID TASTE YEW LI'L ASSWIPE!

[OW, BLEEDING HARD...DYING!]

Remin' me ne'er to offer mah blood t' anyone again!

No, actually, you didn't. You just assumed it was all I'd do.

When you assume you make and ass of you and me, remember?

*He licks blood off his lips and grins.* Don't worry, you'll live. It was only two or three bites.

...[Glare]

Will yew still lead me back home? [He doesn't quit, now does he?]

*Apparently not*

I'm not the kind of person you want as a guide. It's much too tempting to lead you right into the oven.

Shit... [Patching himself up]

I'm ne'er goin' home.

I suggest you see if you can find the Doctor. He's an old friend of mine, and he's much saner.

Oh no, he's batshit too...tried t' startle a damn Witch.