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Then why did you do it?

Oh, several reasons. He liked it, and I wanted him to be happy. It was comfortable--I know the rules, I can exist within those confines easily.

I agreed to it, and I don't regret that time, but wearing a collar all the time and being entirely submissive wasn't something I needed to feel happy or complete. But you asked if I had one, and I didn't--and don't--want to lie.

It wasn't what you needed to be happy or content. Then what did you get out of it?

Companionship, constancy when I needed it. Someone who understood that I wanted...something difficult to put into words. I wanted the uncnditional affection, and if I couldn't get it, then I would take whatever conditions I could live with.

How could you not get exactly what you want out of a relationship? Why would you ever settle?

And for so long.

Because...everyone has conditions, Ash. Everyone. And...if those conditions are easy enough to fill, then why not?

Okay. I'm not sure I have anything else to say to that. I understand and it was your life. I'm not going to judge your choices.

Say you don't hold it against me? Say you never would have done it? Say...anything.

Why would I hold it against you?

...I'm not upset. I just don't want to keep asking you questions about it.

I don't know. I feel like I've said something wrong, though.

I don't ever mind you asking questions about anything, you know that. I like that you want to know, even if it's not something you'd ever like, or do, or want.

I can have feelings about what we're talking about without being angry or upset with you.

Is it something you would like to do or want?

I know. And I like it when you do--but you usually tell me about them.

It's...not the same way, no. I thought about using one on you. But not the one I have, it's not a play collar.

I'm not sure exactly what I am feeling about it. Or how to express it. It's not...I'm not upset. Or mad.

You thought about it. Why didn't you tell me? Sometimes I worry that there are things you need and want and you aren't telling me because you worry you'll scare me off or something.

No, baby. [ Finally he lets out a soft huff of air like a little laugh. ] I hadn't asked you about it, because I hadn't figured out how to ask you playfully without it being a dog joke. Not because I was worried about your reaction.

I know you would have considered it--but we've played with toys before, and you didn't hate them then, I didn't think you'd hate the idea now.

Ganymede...when it's between us, me and you, you don't have to do that. You don't have to find the right way. Just talk to me.

Is it wrong that I wanted it to be sexy?

It's not something I've ever asked another person.

Of course not.

Then ask me. Make it sexy. Do that thing with your voice that I love.

[ Ganymede waited a moment, taking a breath before he lifted his hand to fit the web of his thumb and palm around Ashley's neck, pressing forard enough that he and his husband are chest-to-chest. When he speaks, his voice is low, soft and silky as it usually is only when he is incredibly angry. ]

I want to see a collar around your neck, baby. Right...here.

There he is. [Ash said as his husband's hand circled his neck. He swallowed, his throat moving against his palm.] Whatever you want...yes. I'm yours.

[ The way Ashley's throat moved under his hand got Ganymede swallowing too, breathing out slowly and squeezing ever-so-gently at the sides of Ashley's neck, feeling the pulse of his blood thrumming under his fingertips. His eyelids lift and lower again, a soft hum bubbling up. This was a role he knew very well how to fill, though he hadn't done it in ages. ] That's it, good boy... We'll have to find you a collar that fits you.