Oh, several reasons. He liked it, and I wanted him to be happy. It was comfortable--I know the rules, I can exist within those confines easily.
I agreed to it, and I don't regret that time, but wearing a collar all the time and being entirely submissive wasn't something I needed to feel happy or complete. But you asked if I had one, and I didn't--and don't--want to lie.
Companionship, constancy when I needed it. Someone who understood that I wanted...something difficult to put into words. I wanted the uncnditional affection, and if I couldn't get it, then I would take whatever conditions I could live with.
I don't know. I feel like I've said something wrong, though.
I don't ever mind you asking questions about anything, you know that. I like that you want to know, even if it's not something you'd ever like, or do, or want.
I'm not sure exactly what I am feeling about it. Or how to express it. It's not...I'm not upset. Or mad.
You thought about it. Why didn't you tell me? Sometimes I worry that there are things you need and want and you aren't telling me because you worry you'll scare me off or something.
No, baby. [ Finally he lets out a soft huff of air like a little laugh. ] I hadn't asked you about it, because I hadn't figured out how to ask you playfully without it being a dog joke. Not because I was worried about your reaction.
I know you would have considered it--but we've played with toys before, and you didn't hate them then, I didn't think you'd hate the idea now.
[ Ganymede waited a moment, taking a breath before he lifted his hand to fit the web of his thumb and palm around Ashley's neck, pressing forard enough that he and his husband are chest-to-chest. When he speaks, his voice is low, soft and silky as it usually is only when he is incredibly angry. ]
I want to see a collar around your neck, baby. Right...here.
[ The way Ashley's throat moved under his hand got Ganymede swallowing too, breathing out slowly and squeezing ever-so-gently at the sides of Ashley's neck, feeling the pulse of his blood thrumming under his fingertips. His eyelids lift and lower again, a soft hum bubbling up. This was a role he knew very well how to fill, though he hadn't done it in ages. ] That's it, good boy... We'll have to find you a collar that fits you.
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I agreed to it, and I don't regret that time, but wearing a collar all the time and being entirely submissive wasn't something I needed to feel happy or complete. But you asked if I had one, and I didn't--and don't--want to lie.
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And for so long.
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...I'm not upset. I just don't want to keep asking you questions about it.
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I don't ever mind you asking questions about anything, you know that. I like that you want to know, even if it's not something you'd ever like, or do, or want.
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Is it something you would like to do or want?
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It's...not the same way, no. I thought about using one on you. But not the one I have, it's not a play collar.
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You thought about it. Why didn't you tell me? Sometimes I worry that there are things you need and want and you aren't telling me because you worry you'll scare me off or something.
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I know you would have considered it--but we've played with toys before, and you didn't hate them then, I didn't think you'd hate the idea now.
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It's not something I've ever asked another person.
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Then ask me. Make it sexy. Do that thing with your voice that I love.
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I want to see a collar around your neck, baby. Right...here.
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