sixwordstories | (no subject)

Ahh, so it's not the dogs, it's the strangers. [ He chuckles when Ashley gets deeper and winds his arms gently around his love's shoulders even as they squeezed closer, humming gently. ] You seem like you're more interested in bed than the park... Maybe we split the difference?

I know. I used to take the subway all the time when I first moved here. Or I walked.

It's the strangers around our dogs. Yes. [Maybe he's a protective papa bear when it comes to the animals. He laughs gently and shakes his head.] I'm interested in you. Kind of head over heels. But, we're going to the park. I'll behave.

I like to walk in the city or ride a board.

Help me round them up?

I don't actually know how to skateboard. I've watched you do it enough, but never tried.

You won't, but I like it. [ Ganymede clicks his teeth with a laugh at Ashley, calling for the dogs in the next room and those scattered about the house with a whistling call, scritching heads and rubbing his fingers over ears and tails as the animals all crowd around them. ] Collar time, everyone.

You're gonna learn. I'll grab my board.

[He laughs as he wanders off to grab his board, shoes and the water dish thing he bought for the dogs. A big bowl that connects to the bottom of a large water jug. When he comes back he starts helping with collars.]

Is there one for you?

[ That got a faintly amused look askance from Ganymede as he fastened a sturdy, heavily embroidered collar around Patch's neck, letting the dog shake his head to settle it down. ] You mean a collar?

Yes, there is. But not like these.

There is? [Ash paused and looked up at Ganymede, surprise clearly written on his face.]

Yes, I have a collar. I even wore one for...almost a decade.

But it's not cloth and ribbon like these. Mine's white gold.

Who did you wear it for?

His name was Dorian. You've seen his face in the box of my family.

[ He sighs gently; not all his loves have been in the distant past, and remembering their passing does still bring him pain. ]

Ten years, huh? Long time.

[With his best friend Felix finally in his collar Ash straightens back up.]

Think we're ready to hit the road, old man.

It was. [ He's still and quiet for a moment, brain racing to collect thoughts like scattered leves with the terrible sense he's absolutely said something wrong. He turns the band around his finger incessantly, thumb rubbing over the smooth-polished surface almost like a worry stone. And then he decides to blurt out the rest of it. ]

We were together eleven years in all, and...yes, most of it had a distinct master-and-servant attitude. But he wasn't cruel, or heartless, he wasn't like Noah, the way you described the contract you had. I did love him. He died, that was what ended it. I was the one that found him.

[Ash froze for a breath when he mentioned Noah. He took a breath and let it out slowly.]

You never mentioned this before.

Because you had that. And you didn't like it.

[ He hadn't meant to keep things secret, but he'd assumed Ashley hadn't wanted anything of that nature in their relationship, after the talk they'd had about Noah, and the contract, and how it had made Ashley feel. Ganymede never wanted his husband to think he only loved him out of obligation, because he didn't. ]

I had...[He shakes his head.] Doesn't matter. Is that something you need? Or want? It mattered enough to you that you kept a collar, not just a picture.

Say it. It matters to me.

[ He hooked a fingertip in Felix's collar, absently straightening the fringe of little tassels that edged it. ] I kept it because it's valuable, and because it's pretty. And yes, it does remind me of someone I loved--not the acts of what we did. Do I need that kind of relationship again, no. Full stop. It was never something I needed in the first place.

Then why did you do it?

Oh, several reasons. He liked it, and I wanted him to be happy. It was comfortable--I know the rules, I can exist within those confines easily.

I agreed to it, and I don't regret that time, but wearing a collar all the time and being entirely submissive wasn't something I needed to feel happy or complete. But you asked if I had one, and I didn't--and don't--want to lie.

It wasn't what you needed to be happy or content. Then what did you get out of it?

Companionship, constancy when I needed it. Someone who understood that I wanted...something difficult to put into words. I wanted the uncnditional affection, and if I couldn't get it, then I would take whatever conditions I could live with.

How could you not get exactly what you want out of a relationship? Why would you ever settle?

And for so long.

Because...everyone has conditions, Ash. Everyone. And...if those conditions are easy enough to fill, then why not?

Okay. I'm not sure I have anything else to say to that. I understand and it was your life. I'm not going to judge your choices.

Say you don't hold it against me? Say you never would have done it? Say...anything.

Why would I hold it against you?

...I'm not upset. I just don't want to keep asking you questions about it.

I don't know. I feel like I've said something wrong, though.

I don't ever mind you asking questions about anything, you know that. I like that you want to know, even if it's not something you'd ever like, or do, or want.